South Park and Sonic: Transhumanimalism
by TheCrazyPerson44
Summary: Eric Cartman goes to sleep one night and has an incredible dream about ordering a Trapper Keeper and unleashing a robot apocalypse upon the world. Meanwhile, Rouge helps Randy by giving him a candy bar, and Mickey Mouse is as cunning and vile as ever. Rated M, strong warning.


TRANSHUMANIMALISM PART 1_

Eric Cartman turned off his night light. He hugged Clyde Frog.

Then...he began to dream that he was watching Terrence and Philip:

"Say, Terrence?" asked Phillip.

"YAH?" replied Terrence. "I'm standing on one foot, I can't hear you"

"Why does standing on your foot not enable you to hear me?" asked Phillip.

"Because it's...FART! Aahahaaaa" laughed Terrence.

"Oh my, Terrence. You're contributing to global warming" said Phillip.

The IPCC has reached a consensus that Terrence and Phillip is contributing to climate change and must be

cancelled for Canada, and therefore the world.

Cartman laughed. The others frowned.

"Oh no, I hope it's not really being cancelled. Why can't Terrence and Phillip just use bio-degradable farts instead?" asked Stan.

"It is not being cancelled you guys. Let's go to schoooo!" said Cartman.

At school, much later:

"Okay children, as you all know, one day the workforce won't need us anymore, and robot overlords will reign supreme over all. So today we're going to talk about robots and their growing influence on society. Sadly, our guest Ray Kursweil couldn't make it, he got beaten up by an unfriendly robot!" said Mr. Garrison, writing on the board. On the black board could be read as follows:

ROBOTS ARE PEOPLE TOO.

"Say it with us class, robots are people too" said Mr. Garrison. The whole class, except Cartman and Butters, echoed Mr. Garrison's words in perfect unison, while Mr. Mackey clapped and used a hankerchief to wipe a tear off of his face. Butters raised his hand.

"If robots are people too, then what differentiates them from humans?" asked Butters.

"Absoloutely nothing, Butters. Now Butters, stop asking questions so much, mkay, that might offend a robot, mkay and that'd be bad" said Mr. Mackey.

"Wha-why is asking questions suddenly not allowed? I'm sure even robots ask questions sometimes" said Butters.

"No, Butters, robots don't ask questions, and neither should you" said Mr. Mackey. Cartman chuckled.

"Wait, so they are different from humans, just like the little bastard Butters said all along. Way to go, Wacko Macko!" exclaimed Cartman, getting up from his seat.

"Where do you think you're going young man, mkay? We have a robot we wanna introduce to the class" said Mackey.

"First all you hippies are into nature and whatnot. Now, suddenly you're all the polar-opposite. Like polar bears on opposite day. Screw you guys, I'm going home" said Cartman. Mackey cornered Cartman.

"You're not leaving this class without the entire series of Terminator and Transformers movies on DVD, mkay!" said Mackey.

"Sweet!" said Eric.

Later that day...

Butters and Eric were playing video games.

"Butters, do you remember my Trapper Keeper?

My Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper Ultra Keeper Futura S 2000? And how Bill Cosby helped us stop it?" asked Eric.

"Yeah, it almost assimilated the whole world. That was scary" said Butters.

"Indeed. Machines are terrifying. Tolkien warned us of them.

You know Butters, I used to think becoming a robot and blasting off to space would be super kooo, but now its only

kinda kewl, and that little spat we had with Mackey kinda made me realize somethin" said Eric.

"What's that, Eric?" asked Butters.

"Everything is relative, Butters. Cause and effect. But that is only because every action is ultimately voluntary! " said Eric.

"So that spat really made you a regular Yoda huh?" said Butters.

"It opened my eyes, Butters. Actually it only opened one of my eyes, while my other eye was half-shut and twitched

a little. Now my other eye is almost open too, Butters. One word, Butters: Hippies!" said Eric. Butters looked confused.

"Hippies?" asked Butters, eating some buttered popcorn.

"Yes, Butters. Hippies. Hypocritical little fucks. They start out hugging trees and complaining about the ramifications that

technology has on our precious planet, then the next day they want robots to take

our jobs and make everything in our world artificial. The irony of it all. Makes me wanna puke!" said Eric.

"Well, what if it's part of nature, Eric? What if it's just part of our evolution, merging with machines and whatnot?" asked Butters.

"Butters, quite frankly that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. How the fuck is someone going to upload their

brain into a computer program? Does that even make any sense at all? What if somebody else is controlling that brain?

A robot is not naturally concious, he only receives orders from his slave master. But us, Butters, we are.

That's what makes us different, Butters. Different from the evil ones" said Eric.

"Wow, Eric. You've gotten a lot smarter since I last saw you" said Butters.

"No, Butters, I've just come to realize that the hippies of today are not like the hippies of old. Times have changed.

I used to think they were Smurfs. Now they're all brainy smurfs, Butters. Brainy smurfs on crack. Hippies used to be about nature,

now they're just about fuckin' science. I fucking hate science, Butters.

They used to be like friggin' Sonic the Hedgehog, now they're more like Dr. Manofegg, or Eggfuck, or whatever" said Eric.

"Eggfuck? You mean that robot building guy?" asked Butters.

"Yeah, you know what I mean Butters. I never liked the little hippie chili dog downing chump, but now I'm starting

to understand his cause, Butters. That fartfaced ginger ButtEgg wanted to turn

all his friends into machines, but one little hedgehog stood alone. Stood alone, Butters.

Sonic the Hedgehog is going to meet Clyde Frog and join my think tank. He is now one of my all time heroes, alongside Mel Gibson" declared Eric.

Butters clapped.

"I hope you bring lots of chili dogs to that meeting. That'd be good eatin'" said Butters.

"I'm gonna go now Butters. Emergency think tank session" said Eric.

"Okay. I'll go order myself a new trapper keeper for ya" said Butters.

We join Eric, bowing before Sonic

"Oh great hedgehog, the hippies have abandoned their hip hop happy hippy ways. You are now being rejected

by your former tree hugging fans. Please, come to our world, and have mercy on us, though we brutally rape the earth.

I honor thee, Sonic of Hedgehog, please have mercy on me, for I still like Mel Gibson a little bit more than you"

One week later:

"Butters, what the hell? A package just arrived at your house and I wasn't told about it?" asked Eric.

"Well, its just that its kind of a personal thing, Eric!" said Butters.

"Damn it Butters, what the hell did you order? My mom is the only one I know who orders personal things!" asked Eric.

"I ordered another Trapper Keeper, Eric. This particular model taps into other dimensions and brings stuff from other places

into our place" explained Butters.

"Don't you realize how fucking dangerous those things are?" said Eric.

"I'm gonna use it on my Dreamcast to bring Sonic the Sledgedog into our world to save us from the robot invasion" said Butters earnestly, walking off to his room.

"Your parents are gonna probly ground you for that. And he's a wedgefrog, not a fucking sledgedog!" said Eric.

Part 2:

A poem:

Twas the night before robots, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

Me in the living room, waiting with glee, in hopes that Sonic and his friends would soon be free.

My trapper keeper so handy, and my mind so young, it is rare that waiting for doomsday could ever be fun!

Butters woke up at 1 o'clock PM, and looked outside. There were robots patrolling the streets everywhere, and

a very fat man dressed in red with a mustache was prancing about with the robots.

"Dr. Eggfish, he's HERE. Oh no, if he's here, I sure hope Sonic gets here. What if I inadvertantly...CAUSED the robot

apocalypse? I sure hope Cartman doesn't find out" Butters thought to himself.

The next day...

Butters turned on the news..

"And now, for a speech from our one world robot leader, Rorgus Slogar the Third, and Vice President EggFart Robotnik!"

"Alright! Rorgus Slogar. That's a better name than something like Robama" said Butters, eating popcorn.

The speech:

My fellow robots, it is I Rorgus Slogar. You all know me as the bot who brought. The bot who brought.

Say it with me:

THE BOT WHO BROUGHT!

"Okay, this is lame," said Butters, turning off the TV.

Meanwhile...

Randy Marsh was panicking about the robots. His wife and children were at the store, and he didn't know if they were okay.

"Oh my god, maybe if I play a song it'll help!" thought Randy. He pulled out his guitar.

Just because we're in a world run by robots, doesn't mean I can't get beyond this illusion.

"It's no use!" yelled Randy, slamming his guitar against the floor. Suddenly, a purple mist filled the room. A beautiful voluptuous bat-girl appeared.

"Hey there, Randy, it's Rouge!" said the bat-girl, whose name was Rouge.

"Ra-Rouge? Are you gonna make things okay?" asked Randy. Rouge

"Certainly hun, if there's anything at all I can do to make things better, I'm more than willing," said Rouge, slowly pushing her hands against her thighs and moving down them sensuously. Her beautiful luscious plump firm breasts became even more visible as she did so.

"No. Go find that Chef guy or something. I'm married!" said Randy.

"Oh, Randy, hun you really are a card, aren't you? I wasn't thinking of anything like that. Just something salty, buttery, and creamy!" said Rouge, licking her fingers, and reaching for the power bar in her knapsack.

"Yeah, well, you're about to get me...god I love your breasts, okay you've won me over I give up!" said Randy.

"I knew sooner or later you would," said Rouge, hugging Randy, and kissing him on the cheek. Randy turned red, and fell into her arms.

"I-I-I'm confused, I don't know what to say, does-does that make sense or not?" said Randy. Rouge, using her hands, buried Randy's head in her chest, and he began kissing her breasts.

"Mmmm, there, there. You're a dull apple verbally, and yet, you're so fresh and shiny.

What you need is an all natural power bar" said Rouge.

"All ratural power jar" muttered Randy, taking the natural candy bar from Rouge and eating it.

"Good boy. Now you'll never be robotisized. But don't tell anyone our little secret, I'm your angel!" said Rouge.

"Any more food?" asked Randy. Rouge winked.

"I have no doubt there's gonna be a very large amount of food," replied Rouge.  
Pardon me, Randy wandy, but, do you need a hand with that hot dog? Mmmm!" said Rouge in a suggestive tone, wettening her hands with her tongue, and then reaching down, as she began feeling Randy, who was very sexually excited.  
"Mmm, your hand feels so good!" said Randy, in ecstacy. But suddenly, there was an interruption, Rouge's cell phone went off.

"That was so good. Can you stay? Will you be my mommy?" asked Randy.

"No, guy, gotta fly!" said Rouge, flying out the window.

"Darn it, I didn't finish! Talk about being touched by an angel, she was so hot. And that candy bar was so good!" said Randy. Randy had some of it still left and walked outside. Some robots approached him.

"WHAT IS IT YOU'RE EATING? Who gave it to you? Tell us at the robot priest confessions booth!" yelled the robot.

Stan was taken to a Robot Priest confession booth.

"I couldn't help but eat the all natural candy bar. It was the way it was advertised. She was a charming seductress okay?" yelled Randy.

"Why didn't you eat an artificially flavored bar?" asked the Robot Priest.

"I...don't KNOW! Waaaah!" cried Randy.

"You will now be sentenced to death you know" said Robot Priest.

"What if I played a song?" said Randy. Randy pulled out his guitar and played his annoying songs.

"MUSIC? I hate music. That's not even music at all. WHAT IS THAT?" screeched the robot priest.

The robot priest exploded, and his circuitry flew everywhere.

Meanwhile, Eric wakes up to the new robotic reality:

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! That trapper keeper! It is so not koooo. It's deadly! Deadly I tells ya!" shouted Eric, running around in circles in his room. Suddenly, blue smoke appeared, and Mickey Mouse was there.

"Yo dude, it's me, Mickey Mouse. That Sonic was like putty in my hands. At first he wanted

to help you humans, but I bribed him with chili dogs. I could tell him my dick was a chili dog and he'd probly believe it. Now he's under the umbrella of Robot Disney,and if he ever turns against us, we'll roboticize him!" said Mickey.

"This has gotta be a dream!" said Eric.

Later, when Butters was at the school cafeteria:

"Chef, what do you think of all these robots?" asked Butters. Chef responded in song:

I would make love to a robot, make it beep and blop like crazy, oh yes I'd bang a robot, just so loooong as its a lady!

To be continued...


End file.
